How Do I Want To Be Remembered?

We all face the internal tug-of-war between our present self and our future self, between our daily impulses and our long-term goals and values. Our present self typically wields an unfair advantage since it is the one that is present and in control. Our present self seeks to satiate our daily desires and needs. On the other hand, our future self can accept short-term sacrifices and delay gratification in the service of more important long-term goals.

I recently heard a song by the musical group Magic! that made me wonder if my day to day actions were in harmony with my long term goals and vision of my life. More specifically, I thought about how I wanted to be remembered and what kind legacy I wanted to leave.

Here are a few lines of the song "How Do You Want to Be Remembered" by Magic! that stuck out to me:

How do you want to be remembered?

As a sinner or a saint, as a hero or a villain

Think about the steps you take

How do you want to be remembered?

When they're standing at your grave

On your tombstone, what is written?

Think about the steps you take

How Do I Want To Be Remembered 

I wondered what people would say about me if I were to die today. What would I want people to say about me? I don't think I ever thought this question through. I decided to focus on this question for a week by writing 7 short remembrance entries for myself from the perspective of 7 different people (or categories of people) in my life. I planned on spending 5 minutes a day to write a few sentences of how I would like to be remembered from the viewpoint of my wife, my sons, parents, brothers, co-workers, friends, and a homeless person. 

My goal was to write down what I would like them to feel and say about me, and then I could evaluate if I was living my daily life in such a way that would warrant these eulogies. Here are the entries: 

Day 1: How Will My Wife Remember Me

My husband was my best friend. He adored me and I adored him. He always found unexpected ways He would always lift up my spirits though his positive attitude and zest for life. My husband was spontaneous and would keep my on my toes. He would often unexpectedly take my in his arms and dance with me in the kitchen, living room, or virtually anywhere. He always encouraged me and supported me throughout my life. He was my biggest fan and supporter. He made my life so rich and rewarding. Our love and devotion towards one another continually grew throughout our marriage. I will love him forever with all of my heart and I long for the day when we will be reunited. 

Day 2: How Will My Sons Remember Me

Our father loved us deeply and he showed his love by spending quality time with us. He taught us how to be good and honest men and he showed us how do develop faith and trust in God. Our father worked hard for our family to provide us with safety, security, and opportunities, but he always put us before his work and leisure pursuits. We knew that we meant the world to him and he cherished every moment that he could spend with us. Our father was funny and he loved to play with us and make us laugh. He taught us how to love others and how to prioritize people and our relationships over anything else in life. Our father absolutely adored our mother, and that gave us a sense of security in our lives and also gave an example of the kind of relationships that we want with our future spouses. We love our father so much and have an eternal debt of gratitude for the happy life he gave us.

Day 3: How Will My Parents Remember Me 

Every parent loves their child, but our son holds a uniquely special place in our heart. Not only was he successful in his career and other worldly pursuits, but more importantly, he was wildly successful in the things that matter most in life. He was a loving and dedicated father and husband, and he lived a life of service and giving to his family and those around him. He was a loving son, and he was always eager to connect and talk with us throughout his life. He made us laugh. He made us think. He made us feel. He developed a strong faith in God and he strove to live according to his faith and beliefs. We are extremely proud of our son and we love him dearly.

Day 4: How Will My Brothers Remember Me

Our brother was the kind of brother that everyone would love to have. We played and fought as many siblings do, but as we grew older we continually grew closer. We knew that our brother genuinely cared for us, loved us, and wanted the best for us. We have countless fond memories of vacations, outings, experiences, and conversations throughout our lives. We knew that our brother would do anything for us. He was always there when we needed him. He was a true brother and a true friend. 

Day 5: How Will My Co-Workers  Remember Me 

He was a dedicated employee who truly cared about the people he worked with. He empowered others, was positive and enthusiastic, and he created a fun and meaningful work environment. He passionately strove for excellence and he would inspire those around him to achieve excellence. He treated everyone in the organization with the same compassion, respect, and kindness. He did excellent work, but more importantly, he was an all-around excellent person. He inspired us to be better professionally and personally. 

Day 6: How Will My Friends Remember Me 

He was my best friend. He was the kind of friend that made you feel like you were the most important person in the world to him. He made many people feel that way. He was loyal, funny, an incredible listener, and he truly cared about me. He loved to have fun, especially in the outdoors, and he was usually the one to take the initiative to plan something and to invite me to join him. He was a deep person, and I relished our lengthy and deep conversations about life. He inspired me to be a better person and to live my life to my full potential. If I ever needed any kind of help or support, I knew he would drop everything and make himself completely available. 

Day 7: How Will A Homeless Person Remember Me 

I saw him on various occasions throughout my life, and he was always non-judgmental, caring, and compassionate. He brought me lunch on several occasions, and when he saw me at the park, he would warmly greet me. Most people try to avoid me and give me looks of scorn or judgement, but he would purposely engage with me and seek to make me feel valued and loved. I could tell that he genuinely cared for me as a person, which he demonstrated through is actions, words, and expressions. 

What I Learned 

This experience of writing my own remembrance eulogies, although a bit morbid, was a valuable and spiritual experience for me. Was I living my daily life in harmony with my long term values? In some ways yes, but in many ways no. This experience woke me up to what mattered most in my life and it has already impacted some of my daily interactions with my wife, kids, parents, and others. I expect to live for 3-4 more decades, but life is delicate and nobody knows when it will end. I made a commitment to myself that I would strive to win the battle between my present and future self by living with the end in mind, to visualize and remember that the day will come when all that I will leave on this earth are memories and feelings in the minds and hearts of others. 

Challenge

Is your daily living aligned with your long-term goals and vision for you life? Try this 7-day challenge by choosing 7 people in your life, and spend 5 minutes a day writing a mini-eulogy from their perspective. How will you be remembered?